Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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