Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
FUCK WHALES
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
