but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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