oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
