I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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