its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
