Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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