Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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