well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
