My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
