I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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