your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
