i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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