the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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