that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
