Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
