bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
