i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize