Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize