I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
