it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it glows. i had to have it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
