I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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