The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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