One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
