tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
