just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
