With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
