It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
