fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
