Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
are you so shy because you have an std?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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