And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
