I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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