I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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