Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
