I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize