Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
