I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
