Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
