apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
