Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
