I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
