take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize