hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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