tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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