I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
