Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
