Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
vagina is talking i cant
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
