I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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