my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
