Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
