I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
