I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
