I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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