Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
