My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
