Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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