my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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