I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
