I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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