On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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