I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
