How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
