Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
