I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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