Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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