I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
