hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't turn off my feet"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
