Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
