I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
