I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
