My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
